“Helen will you adopt my son for me? My mom doesn’t qualify for kinship care now and I know i won’t ever get him. Please.”
As I looked into her eyes I saw nothing but desperation. She doesn’t know if I am a good mother that doesn’t matter right now she just wants to be near him.
This conversation started after a long phone conversation to her worker at children’s aid begging for another chance to visit him even though she had missed the last few opportunities. Her phone isn’t working; she couldn’t pay the bill so she uses the phone at the mission as her only connection to the place that holds her son. She is the first one to admit why she has no money, as quick as she earns it, its gone. She risks her life each day selling her body to make enough to survive which is one of the reasons why she cannot have her son in her care. I am not going to defend her on this but I will say the discussion does come up as to why she is unfit to have care of her child yet a man who is caught “purchasing” her gets to continue to be a parent. Just something to think about.
She was counting on her mom to “pass the test” so she could care for her baby. It was her last hope. One more phone call to her mom delivered the final blow to her quest to connect with him. She doesn’t pass. She is desperate. She sees me and thinks I can take him for her. I am sick to my stomach when i have to tell her “no”. I wish I could. Oh I am sure i would “pass” but I would never be strong enough to say no again to my friend who is so desperate to keep this baby and the truth is there will be times that she would need this.
She continues to plead her case “he is the only one that’s been healthy Helen. I know its because I was in jail but I still did good and he is healthy. The others never made it or not right anyway. He is beautiful and healthy and I did it right this time! I can stop doing this stuff if someone can train me-can someone train me to do work somewhere? I just want him to know I did it right this time.” It is killing me to watch her plea for mercy and Grace from me. I wanted to tell her about Gods mercy and Grace but I got so caught up in this moment like a watching a house on fire and someone’s inside and as much as you want to rescue them you can’t.
I want her to be well again. Like before her sister was murdered and the grief swept her up. I want to save her from her circumstances, her addictions, herself but I can’t. I feel helpless and desperate and all I can do is pray for her and continue to offer the many resources available to her. I want her to be a mother and to know that she has it in her to be a great one. I know what it can feel like to have the odds stacked against you, when you know that all the whispers about you are true but it kills you to hear them just the same. I want to take her home and get her well and adopt her baby boy so they can be a family one day.
I want to do that. I really want to do that. Oh God interrupt this life of hers and rescue her from herself . If this boy of yours cannot be with her now i beg you to adopt him to a great family that knows you and loves you. I beg you to open his heart as a young man to see his mother for the beauty she is. I beg you Lord for her life to be long so that this may happen.